Infertility Awareness Week

🦋Today is the last day in Infertility Awareness Week.   Let's hold space not only for newborn mothers, newborn parents. Let's hold space for those with a longing in their body, a longing that is so real there is at times a physical pain, or tears that will not stop, or sounds that are nearly primal in their calling. 

According to SIMS "fertility problems affect men (40%) and women (40%) in equal measure and the remaining 20% of fertility problems are unexplained. One in five couples are affected by some form of fertility problem - most of those problems can be resolved.  However, in cases where the problem cannot be overcome, there are other solutions such as donor egg programmes, for example."

This series of photographs by Holly Ferencuha Photography is so powerful. For me, they capture the raw emotion of their hearts, of their closeness and their anger and their sadness.

So many of my friends this week in particular have shared your stories.  I have been blown away by your honesty.  So many of you have opened your hearts with such huge bravery and compassion, to let people that might be going through these hardest of days know that they can, that they are, opening the conversation to infertility.  Thank you!     

There is a piece by writer Nadirah Angail I find especially moving.  It begins like this 

"Somewhere there is a woman: 30, no children. People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint.  “Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration... Alone, she cries…"  It goes on, "Cries because she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy. Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it"

I first read this piece a number of years ago.  At that time I first read it, I was getting my head around the grief and sadness of knowing I would not birth another baby.  The words in this piece moved me to tears then, as it did again tonight re-reading it.  

"Another woman: 40, one child. People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?”  “I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries…Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. "

I remember an afternoon in the BBQ centre in Shankill.  I bumped into a lady I'd not seen in a while.  I'd just been to pick my little girl up from playschool, and we'd popped over for an afternoon cuppa.  Juno was holding my hand; we were in the BBQ centre carpark.  This lady gave me a quirky smile, looked at Juno, looked back to me and asked me, "Anything stirring?"  I replied quickly, "Not likely. We're both working minimum 50 hour weeks".  I tugged Juno's little hand in mine to come on.  We walked away into the café and as I pulled open the door with one hand under which herself twirled inside, I wiped the tears from my eyes with the other hand.       

Please please remember, a person's fertility is not something for flippant conversations.  A person's fertility is not akin to chatting about the weather.  This piece is a reminder to be careful with our words.  Your words can hurt others when you neither mean it nor realise it.

https://nadirahaangail.wordpress.com/…/…/mind-your-own-womb/

"These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their wombs are their own. Let’s respect that."

The National Infertility Support and Information Group www.nisig.com is a voluntary organisation, which was established in 1996 by a group of dedicated people who needed and wanted to be in contact with others who understood their grief.  If you are struggling with infertility reach out to them for support.

We can choose one thing in our life. We can choose to be kind.❣️ Sandy x