Daisy my heroine on Glenroe Farm

∞ We were out for the day at Glenroe Farm.  It is fab there, the kids can run and play and handle the small furry animals, whilst my girlfriends and I catch up, with a spot of group parenting for the win.

∞ Daisy needs a mention. Daisy is an Oxford Sandy and Black pig. Daisy gave birth to 9 piglets on the 22nd July.  Daisy was resting by the gate when all of a sudden she was swarmed by her drift of 9 piglets. So many questions going whizzing around my mind watching them lined up at her udder and along her teats in an over/under scenario. There was one winner on the feeding front, or was he simply born more solid? There were a few smaller piglets, who was the runt, how did they organise themselves? Who fed where and when? All the questions!.

∞ We were down having our necessary coffee re-fuel, when we got chatting with one of the farm workers.  It turns out Daisy has 9 piglets, however she only has 8 teat.  Each of the piglets feed off the same teeth each feed having have their own specific teat it turns out. I put this in my head as a similarity to when a lactating person is feeding more than one nursling; often times the wobbler/toddler/pre-schooler nurses from one breast and the newborn from the other, creating the very specific supply and demand required to and for each nursling.  Also very interestingly, there is one pair of piglets who share one teat. This pair happen by coincidence to be the runt of the drift, the smallest of the lot, and possibly the least strongest at the time of birth.  Nonetheless they were all clearly thriving. Daisy, as an Oxford Sandy, is well regarded for her temperament and mothering abilities.

∞ If you would like to get in touch with me to discuss how I support you in your breastfeeding journey as you transition into parenthood, or navigating loss, please do get in touch.  You can send me an email to sandyconnonny@gmail.com or call me on 086 0438642.

#sandyconnollydoula #postpartumdoula #doula #community #motherhood #breastfeedingcounsellor #nurture #motherhood  #community #educate #informedchoice #breastfeedingadvocate #breastfeedingsupporter #empowerment #entrepreneur #womeninbusiness #WBW2019 #WorldBreastfeedingWeek #womenempowerwomen #holdspace

What's with the Dandelions, Sandy?

∞ Dandelions, what’s the story with the Danelions Sandy? My Dad asked me the other day. 

IG Sandy Doula

∞ This might seem like a regular run of the mill question from my Dad around my logo design and brand representation for Sandy Connolly Doula.  However, it’s not. There’s much more to it as a question than its face value! My parent’s business was a very successful Greengrocer turned Florist in Dublin which they sold some 15 years ago.  This, I suppose, means I have been exposed to some of the most beautiful flowers that can be grown commercially. And not only have I been exposed to them, I’m pretty handy at giving them their full Latin names even all these years later.  My Mom, in her attention to detail, not only priced up the flowers in their vases in the shop with their common name she also had us label them with their full Latin name, and incorrect spelling was not tolerated. I’m pretty nifty with a few flower stems too.  Moreover, I learned so many of my life and business skills through my days working with my parents in their shop as a teenager, and at home around our kitchen table after the shutters were pulled down. I was only talking about my days, my very very early mornings, running around in the Fruit Markets in Smithfield as a small girl about Juno’s age now loving the hustle and bustle of it all last weekend at a party.  You’ve not seen anything in life until you’ve seen the King of The Strawberries Mickey Mack run an auction up on his box in Smithfield at 5am! Or the sight of the Dutch flower vans unloading and getting to watch all the flower shop owners going bananas wanting to secure that something extra special for their vases that day. 

∞ The Dandelion for me is a really special flower, and one of my favourite, not least for its stunning visual and architectural beauty.  Moreover I love Dandelions for what they represent, and for how that representation directly correlates to what I do as a postpartum and bereavement doula, what I represent and what I stand for.  

∞ Did you know Dandelions take root and grow in the most difficult and adverse conditions? Next time you’re out and about keep an eye to where there are groups of Dandelions, or even that one single Dandelion flower in bloom.  They are in some of the most obscure, rough adverse locations.  

∞ When I think of Dandelions I smile. I think of sunny days, perseverance, blowing dandelion wishes in my childhood.  Their yellow flower stands tall looking up to the sunshine; it evokes the energy of the sunshine and the power of positivity, the importance of nature in our nurturing our minds, our bodies and our spirits.

∞ The dandelion can not only survive but thrives in difficult conditions; people say the flower symbolises the ability to rise above life’s challenges.  Isn’t that beautiful, that the dandelion is a symbol of fighting through the challenges of life and emerging thriving on the other side. The Dandelion flower’s message is do not give up hope.   The dandelion to me says dream, live and wander, wish for the good things the good days; they will come, eventually.

∞ As a postpartum and bereavement doula my role is to hold the hands of families as they navigate their transition and adjustment.  I am there to support the families I work with through whatever circumstances they face today, to hold space for them, their wishes and their dreams.  By supporting families to make informed choices with up to date evidence based information, by providing families with compassionate non-judgemental support my goal is that these families will be empowered to make the right choices for them, and that they, like the dandelion will emerge thriving on the other side.  

I

∞ Be Brave.  Channel Your Dandelion.

If you would like to get in touch with me to discuss how I support you in your adjustment to parenthood, or in loss, please do get in touch. You can send me an email to sandyconnonny@gmail.com or call me on 086 0438642.

❣ Be well. Sandy x

∞ Know where your GP Out of Hours service is ∞

∞ Know where your GP Out of Hours service is ∞

∞ We had a bit of a scare in our home yesterday.  Our girl was needing medical attention and the GP was not available as it was heading into late evening.  Himself was packing up the bags for a possible long visit to Crumlin Children’s Hospital.  I asked him to sit with our girl a minute, and I put a call directly into our ex-local Out of Hours service.  Once I’d explained the circumstances that warranted the phone call, I was advised to bring her into them immediately.  If things needed to be escalated from the visit, that would happen quickly.  Fortunately, we didn’t need to be transferred to hospital.  Juno is in bed, fast asleep.  She will be well again very soon.    

∞ Tonight got me to thinking about the first time Juno ever needed any medical attention.  It was late in the night.  Baba was coming up on her first birthday, and neither of us knew where to go, or what to do.  We got in a bit of a muddle.   

∞ When things are stressful and in an emergency, particularly when it involves our beautiful babas, we can easily get panicked and/or might not be able to think straight.  It’s really useful to have a list of your emergency contact numbers written up somewhere.  Ours is stuck on the back of a press in the kitchen, alongside written instructions of how to drive to our home coming from either direction, including the gate access code.

∞ Tomorrow on Doc’s prescription is cartoons, cuddles and ice-cream. 

Be well.  Sandy x

Pop over to my independent doula facebook page Sandy Connolly Doula.  Do give it a like, and feel free to share it with your friends and family.
If you'd like to chat with me about how I can help and support you on your transition into parenthood do give me a call on 086 0438642 or drop me an email to sandyconnolly@gmail.com.  

Why I Am A Postpartum Doula

“The birth of a child is celebrated, announced, even photographed – and rightly so!  
But the birth of a mother happens in the quiet.
Often in the early hours of the morning, through worries thoughts and questions.  I believe it’s time we celebrate and honour that birth too”

                                                         Sarah Thorpe

📸Hippy+Bloom

Hi there!  You might have read a bit about me on my blog here, and what I am passionate about.  Now let me tell you a little more about me.  People often ask me how I got to being a postpartum doula.  Let me tell you why I do what I do and why I consider it such a special privilege to be invited into your homes at such an important chapter in the story of your family's lives.

I have arrived to the role of Postpartum Doula as a response to my own story.  To me, when I had my little girl Juno, it seemed like everyone else, all the other new Mama’s around me, every single one of them, knew what they were doing and they had their shit entirely together!  I seemed to have stopped reading everything, and I read EVERYTHING, exactly right after the point when the baba was born.  What else was there to know, apart from breastfeeding, obviously? 

I‘d heard about the lack of sleep, sure.  But you know what, I don’t ever remember anyone telling me how with the change in hormones I might view everything and everyone around me, and my place in the world, so differently.  I don’t ever remember anyone telling me how teary I’d be, how sore my body would be, how high my emotions would be and for how long it might be before they’d settle down.  This is a tale for another day.  I don’t remember anyone letting me in on the secret of how absolutely totally exhausting it is to be the one person entirely responsible for keeping this new baba alive whilst your Partner goes back to work to earn the money to buy the food and pay the bills.  I’ve never told anyone except Mark until very very recently about the lady that minded me for maybe an hour in the carpark of Tesco Ballybrack after I’d had a panic attack having just bought swim nappies for a class I’d won that I couldn’t remember entering the competition for. I’d never known you could be so lonely and isolated whilst in and out of company most of the day.  I’d never known what it was to feel so out of control. 

And do you know what, even if anyone did tell me all these things, I’m not sure I’d have heard them. 

The paradigm has shifted in the years since Juno was born I’m almost certain.  There is a much more honest landscape perhaps, less pressure on women to “bounce back” to their pre-baba pre-motherhood lives.  Is this true, or is it the perspective of my bubble, the circles of people I run with I wonder? 

You’ll hear me say often, motherhood has changed me, even with all of my struggles and my lows, motherhood has changed me for the better and has informed who I am today.  And I like who I have become, the woman I am today at 40.  Being honest I’m not sure I’d ever want to be my 30 year old self again.  To my mind I am a more patient, gentle, compassionate and measured woman than I could ever have imagined of myself. 

Knowing what I know now, I hope to hold the hand of new parents to support you and ease your transition in, be you a first or fifth time parent.  My ultimate goal is to support your transition to parenthood, to motherhood, to help your transition be a little more smooth and gentle perhaps than my own.  

We can all do with extra help in these very busy weeks and months adjusting.  Raising baba's takes a village as the old adage goes.  The most difficult thing in it all is to ask for someone to help.  

Charlie Mackesy/

If you’d like to chat with me about how I can help and support you on your transition to parenthood do give me a call or text on 086 0438642 or pop an email to sandy@communitydoulas.ie

Be well.

Sandy x

Reflections on #PYB19 and Maternal Mental Health Awareness month

I can hardly believe it's nearly already a month since facilitating #PYB19 for Maternal Mental Health Awareness in our local community in Bray. Already the wheels are turning in my head for the next Community Doulas Community event...

Community Doulas were thrilled to be facilitating a #PYB2019 Paint Your Bump for Maternal Mental Health event.  As one of the co-ordinators of the event I facilitated the conversation in the room around all things Matresence: The Birth of The Mother, alongside discussing the expectations of becoming a mother, or father, or granny, with the participants, the grief and struggles people have faced in becoming a family and talked with the group about optimising rest and recovery once their baba arrives into their world.  Quiet seriously, I was blown away by the honesty and open hearts that were brought to the room last Wednesday evening, the women, the mom's, the mom's to be, the dad's, the granny to be, the kids.  Every single person completely and totally put their hearts and minds into the space created with the intention of open and honest conversation.  

Amy Ransom IG

The role of #PYB19 was to have an safe fun environment where we could share our thoughts and offer the opportunity to the participants to thinking about their self care whilst highlighting maternal mental health in both the remainder of their pregnancy and their Postpartum.  Available on the evening for conversation alongside Community Doulas, was the team behind Hippy + Bloom taking photographs, Ali from Craftea Parties, Laura from Quaint Baby Art and Aoife from Ahimsa Yoga Ireland.

According to Maternal Mental Health Alliance 2014, Perinatal Mental Health refers to a woman's mental health during pregnancy and the first year after birth.  This includes mental illness existing before pregnancy, as well as illness that develop for the first time, or are greatly exacerbated in the perinatal period.

It is thought that approximately 1 in 5 of us will experience perinatal mental health issues. Think about that number in context the next time you're in a room full of people.  It is not uncommon.  Why then, is it something that can be so difficult to talk about, to discuss, to share about?  And what might it mean?  Perinatal mental health issues include:

• Perinatal anxiety

• Perinatal depression

• Obessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Psychosis.

Specialist Perinatal Mental Health Services. Model of Care for Ireland. HSE Mental Care Services.2017

When I go into a family antenatally to discuss what their support might look like for them when their baba arrives earth-side, this is a critical part of the conversation.  In my role as a postpartum doula if I can educate and inform antenatally to these numbers, and if the family's I support know that the numbers translate into so many of us experiencing some level of perinatal mood disorder and it doesn't show up for them, deadly.  By me addressing this hugely important topic with them, I am hopefully helping break down the barriers to silencing this conversation should it arise at any point, for either parent.  It would be remiss of me in my role not to discuss perinatal mood disorder, and at the very least if we know what our own particular range of normal looks like, we can be more able to understand where, when, or if we are straying off this range.

The Postpartum Plan is another critical part of my conversation piece at my initial consult with a family.  How many of us think about the pregnancy, and the birth, read all the books, the blogs, the emails and don't think to go any further?  So many of us.  Your Postpartum Plan for some families is nearly a conversation starter.  If we haven't discussed something, how do we know that it or what is important to another person.  Your Postpartum Plan asks you to think about what your priorities might be, alongside other aspects of your life, once your baba arrives.  It allows a conversation between the caregivers, to think about and discuss what contributes to your positive mental health in your daily and weekly life.  In reality Your Postpartum Plan asks what self care might look like for each of the new parents, and how you can weave these into your lives.  

As I said above, weaving self care into our everyday lives is part of the remit of #PYB.  Self care does not need to be formulated into some elaborate task, or scheduled; self care is something you do, everyday, something simple.  Self care is about looking after you, for you!    

Stacie Swift IG

Over on the Community Doulas page I post about self care under Slow-Down-Sunday.  Slow-Down-Sunday is a reminder!  Slow-Down-Sunday is about finding a space in our day, everyday for ourselves.  Slow-Down-Sunday is about finding something simple to look after and mind ourselves today.     

The #PYB event was about facilitating these moments, shared experiences over a cuppa in a safe warm environment.  Here's what our a few of the amazing participants had to say about their experience at Bray #PYB19.

Kate came along to our event with her gorgeous son big-brother-to-be Jack

 

All this beautiful conversation and time for ourselves was then reinforced.  We had Aoife lead the room in her most beautiful Yoga Nidra bringing us connection, stillness and space for our bodies. Aoife encouraged us to remember the feeling of weight in our bodies and to remember the sense of calm that brings us.

 Belly breathe is a wonderful tool, which is free and accessible to all of us.  Again, finding a space in your day to breath deeply can be of huge benefit to so many of us.  Breathing again does not need a 35 minute daily practice;  you can do it whilst your waiting for the kettle to boil, or before you get out of the car on collection for the school run.

Aoife guided us to try and reconnect with the feeling of weight in our quiet bodies and asked us all to try and find a way to emulate that ourselves.  Belly breathing for relaxation can be as simple as inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold that breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. 

  

When we have conversations with each other, when we talk in the realities of new motherhood, we share something special.  In holding space for someone to have open and honest conversations with eachother, with a postpartum doula, we are creating a safe non-judgemental environment in which we can explore how we are feeling as new parents. 

My newest library book addition is Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts written by Karen Kleiman and illustrated by Molly McIntyre.  You may have already seen a number of these amazing images going around the internet.  Wouldn't it be amazing if we actually shared with eachother our thoughts, rather than responded with what we think people want to hear, or what we think they want us to say?

You'll often hear me say that some of the most important work I do is exploring our thoughts and conversations at the bedside over a cuppa with the new family.  By putting our hands up and showing our vulnerability there is an amazing ripple out effect.  In doing this we show others that we might need help, and that it's ok for them to ask for help from us.  

The conversation around mental health has opened up and changed in the past five or so years.  The hashtag #itsoktonotbeok and all the work behind it has made significant inroads in opening up the conversation around mental health awareness and around destigmatising mental health illness.  If you are concerned about any of the topics raised within this piece please do get in touch with your health care provider to discuss avenues of support. 

Charlie Mackesy IG

Alternative if you would like to me to hold space for you please do get in touch.  You can call me on 086 0438642 or email me sandy@communitydoulas.ie

Be well, Sandy x

There are a number of support organisations and helplines available who can help with maternal mental health issues: their contact details are below.

• Postnatal Depression Ireland www.pnd.ie 021 4922083 support@pnd.ie 
• Samaratans 24 hour helpline phone 116123 www.samaritans.org 
• St Patrick’s Mental Health Services' Support and Information Line phone 01 2493333 www.stpatricks.ie/
• Parentline www.parentline.ie/ phone 1890 927277 or 07 8733500
• Aware www.aware.ie/ phone 1800 804848 Mon - Sun 10am - 10pm
• Cuidiú Cuidiú Parent to Parent Support  www.cuidiuparenthood@gmail.com
• Nurture Health phone  www.nurturehealth.ie 086 8619585 info@nurturehealth.ie
• Women's Aid phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 18003419000  www.womensaid.ie helpline@womensaid.ie
• Bray Women's Refuge phone 01 2866163  

Infertility Awareness Week

🦋Today is the last day in Infertility Awareness Week.   Let's hold space not only for newborn mothers, newborn parents. Let's hold space for those with a longing in their body, a longing that is so real there is at times a physical pain, or tears that will not stop, or sounds that are nearly primal in their calling. 

According to SIMS "fertility problems affect men (40%) and women (40%) in equal measure and the remaining 20% of fertility problems are unexplained. One in five couples are affected by some form of fertility problem - most of those problems can be resolved.  However, in cases where the problem cannot be overcome, there are other solutions such as donor egg programmes, for example."

This series of photographs by Holly Ferencuha Photography is so powerful. For me, they capture the raw emotion of their hearts, of their closeness and their anger and their sadness.

So many of my friends this week in particular have shared your stories.  I have been blown away by your honesty.  So many of you have opened your hearts with such huge bravery and compassion, to let people that might be going through these hardest of days know that they can, that they are, opening the conversation to infertility.  Thank you!     

There is a piece by writer Nadirah Angail I find especially moving.  It begins like this 

"Somewhere there is a woman: 30, no children. People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint.  “Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration... Alone, she cries…"  It goes on, "Cries because she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy. Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it"

I first read this piece a number of years ago.  At that time I first read it, I was getting my head around the grief and sadness of knowing I would not birth another baby.  The words in this piece moved me to tears then, as it did again tonight re-reading it.  

"Another woman: 40, one child. People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?”  “I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries…Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. "

I remember an afternoon in the BBQ centre in Shankill.  I bumped into a lady I'd not seen in a while.  I'd just been to pick my little girl up from playschool, and we'd popped over for an afternoon cuppa.  Juno was holding my hand; we were in the BBQ centre carpark.  This lady gave me a quirky smile, looked at Juno, looked back to me and asked me, "Anything stirring?"  I replied quickly, "Not likely. We're both working minimum 50 hour weeks".  I tugged Juno's little hand in mine to come on.  We walked away into the café and as I pulled open the door with one hand under which herself twirled inside, I wiped the tears from my eyes with the other hand.       

Please please remember, a person's fertility is not something for flippant conversations.  A person's fertility is not akin to chatting about the weather.  This piece is a reminder to be careful with our words.  Your words can hurt others when you neither mean it nor realise it.

https://nadirahaangail.wordpress.com/…/…/mind-your-own-womb/

"These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their wombs are their own. Let’s respect that."

The National Infertility Support and Information Group www.nisig.com is a voluntary organisation, which was established in 1996 by a group of dedicated people who needed and wanted to be in contact with others who understood their grief.  If you are struggling with infertility reach out to them for support.

We can choose one thing in our life. We can choose to be kind.❣️ Sandy x