The most beautiful gift ∞ my daughter ♡

∞ Laura and I met first last year at the beginning of May. We became fast fast friends. The last time we met over mid term Laura brought along a present for my family, a truely beautiful thing. Holding a sonogram of my own is something I never believed would happen in my future. I was told under terrible circumstance very abruptly that it was unlikely I'd ever be able to get pregnant and if I did it would be more unlikely than not that I'd be able to hold a pregnancy to term because of underlying issues. It was not a good time, for a long time. I had always seen children in my future, even though I wasnt naturally maternal. I was devastated.

∞ One day, there was a feeling in my gut something was different. I bought a pregnancy test and sure enough there it was, that little line. And I cried and cried and cried. Happy hopefull tears yet these same tears were tears full of rage and anger and nervousness. I went to my doctor to confirm the pregnancy, with 7 positive pregnancy tests in my pocket and Mark by my side. I was indeed pregnant.  This painting is of my 20 week scan. This is the only time in any pregnancy I got to this point. And that little foetus kept on. Juno, the Goddess of Goddesses ♡.

∞ Thank you Laura for this incredible gift. Thank you for taking the time and being so caring and gentle in asking about representing other pregnancies on this canvas. We talked about if we wanted that or not. Mark and I decided not to. We decided this painting should be a celebration of this one amazing little person we are lucky enough to share our lives with and call our daughter.

∞ What a gift!
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Welcoming in the New Year

CW...pregnancy loss
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∞ Today I welcomed in 2020 surrounded by my loves and great friends with our now annual New Year's Day ascent of Bray Head.

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∞ This gathering of like minded souls, adults and kiddies alike, came about after a darker time in my life. Today is the anniversary of our first neverborn's due date. A number of years ago I decided to mark this very particular date with a positive act. Rather than continue to dwell on the-what-might-have-been that was my very natural response in the initial years following that miscarriage, I firmly decided to celebrate the amazing things in my life; my wonderful little family of three, my health, my amazing friends. I'm part of a big group that enjoys the outdoors so I flung up a quick post offering a walk up Bray Head to celebrate and begin the incoming year. I didn't mention my why. I simply offered the way up, in company we enjoy and a climb most kiddies would manage either themselves or in a sling. A good few people came along, and up we went. The following year it pissed rain, yet up we many went again. It was safe but cold and hard going. Last year the wind nearly took us out, however many persevered and claimed our photo spot quickly beside the lower case t (aka the cross).

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∞Today there was a huge Huge gang of us compared to that first year, many of the same families except with all their gorgeous new additions since that first climb.  Mark and I had a beautiful quiet moment up there on the hill top looking out over Dublin Bay acknowledging what we have, together. Together. Watching over to our girl playing with her pals across on the other hilltop. Happy. Healthy. Growing up. Beautifully kind. Together. Three. And I thought, This Is It. My life is good.

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∞The moment passed as fast as it came. It's cold and windy up top. On the descent one of my pals and I were chatting. She asked me if I was ok. She had waited for a quiet moment, with easy going underfoot. She asked me if I was ok, and took my hand and gave me a squeeze. I said, Yes. Yes, I am. Thank you. And we hugged, and continued our descent. Friendship. Kindness. Empathy. Love.

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∞ This is it. Life is good.

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Happy New Year❣Sx @ Bray Head Cliff Walk